Cultivating Mental Silence

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NWP: What you mean to me!!!

As the 50th edition of the e-Link nears publication, Jane Farrugia, a very good friend and colleague asked me to take a moment and reflect on what NWP means to me. I was humbled by the request and can only hope that what follows resonates with the reader.I’ve been an active member of NWP since 2004 when I was invited to attend the Summer Invitation. At the time, I had been teaching for about 15 years…enough time to feel confident, maybe even comfortable with myself as an educator. While I may have been feeling both I was feeling something else…lost and alone.That might sound crazy when I tell you that I was, at the time, working in a large school with over 1,100 students, on a grade level that included 6 other teachers. How could someone with that much teaching experience, in a building of that size feel lost and alone? Short answer: I chose to do things differently at a time when education was slowly beginning to demand that we all do things the same way, at the same time, with the same resources.I have to admit here and now that my choices (at that point and time) to do things differently were not subtle or nuanced. My choices were loud, bold, even brash; dare I say mocking what was being asked of me. Some told me I was acting like a Kamikaze pilot. I did not listen. I kept doing what I thought was right for children, what I thought was right for myself as a teacher because everything I saw happening around me (to children and the profession of teaching) seemed so wrong. The result: I became the Kamikaze pilot. What followed: My administrators started using powers granted to them in an effort to silence me…to make me look like the enemy.Again…I have to stop briefly to state that my resistance to my administrators attempts to silence me was as loud, bold, and brash as the teaching pedagogy (a term I did not know or understand at the time) I was implementing. This only made things worse for me. Instead of backing down like I thought they would (how could they have the time and resources to engage in this sort of back and forth) they kept coming. This produced a tremendous amount of stress on my part.So, you may be asking, where does NWP fit in this story? Well…as I stated earlier I attended the 2004 Summer Invitational, at the peek of my confrontational escapades with my administrators. By that time, my grade level team had disassociated publicly with me for fear that they too would be seen as radical. At the time, that hurt. Looking back at it now…I understand. Heck, we all want to keep our jobs at the end of the day…right? I walked into the Summer Invitational in 2004 stressed out, lost, and alone.As the invitational started I noticed something. The facilitators (educators from the local NWP site; UNC-Charlotte, and public school districts from the surrounding area) seemed to care very deeply about the curiosities and concerns each of us (participants) had regarding the state of education and our practice. Much of the invitational was focused on helping each us see ourselves as writers, and thinkers. We had incredible discussions about a wide range of topics related to the teaching of writing as well as theory and practice. Most importantly, for me, we talked about how to bring discussions like the ones we were having back to our schools; in an effort to start conversations, with our administrators and colleagues about what is possible if we begin to (re)-imagine the teaching of writing. Something else was happening during the invitational. Unlike my teaching pedagogy at the time, this “something” was subtle, very nuanced. I did not even notice “it” until 3 or 4 days before the invitational ended.A community (one that was there before me and will live on without me) was being (re)-cultivated...one that accepted me as much as I was embracing it! Friendships (that are as strong now as they were then) were being created within the latest iteration of this community. In my 26 years as an educator I have never felt the sense of community nor have I gained the type of friendships I now have that the NWP has afforded me. This sense of community and the friendships I have gained along the way propelled me past the “Kamikaze” period of my teaching career, helped me learn that in order for any sort of change to take place I have to be willing, and able to work against from within, and supported me during the most exciting, challenging and rewarding experience I have had as an educator; my pursuit and attainment of my PhD. "This" (notions of community, friendship, and support) is what NWP means to me. I would not be the writer, thinker, and scholar I am today without NWP's acceptance of me, and my simultaneous embracing of “it” as an integral part of my life!!