This has been a rough week for me. My anxiety over in-person teaching during the pandemic reached a boiling point a few days ago. I am maintaining safety protocols with my students. I am focused on delivering quality instruction. I am doing everything I can and more to make things work. Unfortunately, my job requires that I depend on others to do their job; in order for me to remain fully focused on my number one priority, my students. When the people "around" and "above" me struggle to do their job or are simply unable to do their job, regardless of the circumstances, it impacts me.

This week my grade level has had to assume additional students from another classroom due to that teacher being out and the lack of a substitute teacher taking on the job in this particular teacher's absence. In order to serve the extra students I had to bring 7 extra desks and chairs into my room; a room that is already "stretched" to its limits with desks 3 feet apart as per one of the many COVID protocols we are required to follow. The extra students in my classroom has increased the total number to 30. Managing that many students in one room is a challenge even when the majority of them are well-behaved and understand the urgency of the situation.

This week my grade level was supposed to analyze data generated from an assessment we gave our students last week. Last week we had to pivot and give the assessment "pencil and paper" because the people managing the online version did not communicate to us that the online option wasn't available for this particular assessment. We gave the assessment, hand scored it and were ready to input the data into a grading tracker so we could determine how best to help students that needed re-teaching and challenge the students that mastered all of the concepts. The tracker we were supposed to use was not calibrated correctly making it impossible to input the data we were ready share.

These are just 2 examples of what in person teaching during the pandemic looks like. Our school district is human resource poor and systems we rely on are broken. Mind you; I'm not pointing fingers at anyone. We are all just trying to do our best to get through this. That said, the emotional toll examples like the ones I have briefly outlined here; on teachers like me can feel suffocating at times.

I am very fortunate to have a support system that includes my wife, my friends, and my team; who live this with me each day. The examples I've outlined here that led to my boiling point may not seem severe to some and very severe to others. My whole reason for writing this is to strongly urge that if you are, like me, teaching during the pandemic...talk about what you are experiencing and how it is making you feel. Do not keep it inside of you. I made the fatal mistake of keeping my anxieties in this week and when it came out, it wasn't pretty! Be kind to yourself and find someone, or group that you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts with.