So...it's a new year and I still want to continue blogging. My last entry attempted to use stream of consciousness as a "model" for future entries. In the spirit of trying new things, I offer the following to anyone out there taking a few moments to read this...a collection of my thoughts across a week's worth thinking...with some edits...to keep it somewhat coherent.Still thinking about next moves...as "a writer" while trying NOT to attach to "that" identity. I have just spent the past 12 days on Winter break. During this time, I wondered for many hours, "Why can't I just relax?" I tried not to beat myself up too much asking that question and instead...sought out some reading...to calm myself.Topics ranged from "de-loading" (thanks Tim Ferriss) to appropriate attention, to an overall thought technology of just lowering expectations of my-self. Basically, I spent much of my break trying to figure out how to take my foot off the gas pedal of life.I kept telling my-self, a self that just wants a little mental silence, "Relax." I meditated, I ran, I did yoga, I wrote, spent lots of time with my amazing wife, and listened to podcasts. No real epiphanies. I know I am suffering, specifically, I am clinging...to what I think I should be (doing)...craving for state(s) of being that are merely illusions. Of the 5 ways (I'm sure there are more) for dealing with distracting thoughts...relaxing the tension that goes into maintaining them stands out.As my Winter break comes closer to ending, I have decided (not for the first time so I guess "re-familiarized" my-self to the thinking) that being present, mindful, and reflective; daily, are things that might help settle the anxiety I have over this clinging and craving.