Am I Compassionate?First full day at the beach for our annual writing retreat. Today is a writing day! Each of us have the entire day to just write! What a gift!!! I have decided to use part of this day to think more about the year of compassion and where I am with it right now...Compassion in the car...as I stated in my last post...I feel that my compassion in the car has improved. On my way to school/work...I like to find people walking around and as I pass them say, "May you be well!" Because of where I live most of the people I am wishing well are homeless gentleman who just left the shelter for the morning and are on their way to make something of the day. And I think I have it bad! I also drive over a bridge on my way to work. I like talking to the cars I see passing by me, underneath the bridge, on the highway. My message to them depends on the day. For example, on Wednesday I like to say something like, "It's hump day...we can do this!" There was a moment recently...after a long day at school/work that my compassion in the car was tested shall we say. This was not so much because of what was happening in the car as much as what had happened at work before getting into the car to leave for the day. Long story short, I had to get myself through a very stressful situation I was placed in that started very early in the day. The amount of energy it took to get myself through this situation literally took hours and all of my patience. It seems now...2 days away from the situation...that that car ride was doomed as soon as I closed the door in the school parking lot. In my perfect, "Cultivating Mental Silence" world...this car ride would have been a meditative tour de force as I used the opportunity to "Zen out!" That did not happen. Every stoppage, lane change, and/or bump in the road resulted in an increasing anger from me as I attempted to navigate my way across town. Again...2 days out I can see why...I did not have time (nor did I see the car ride as space) to process the stressful situation I experienced at school...which by the way...I dealt with outwardly both efficiently and effectively. So...turns out...compassion in the car...seems to be dependent on what happens prior to getting into the car...at least for me!Compassion at school/work...the last 3 weeks at school have been rough. We are in the midst of middle of the year testing. Students are assessed in Reading and Math via a battery of tests that leaves them literally punch drunk! Hours upon hours of sitting quietly trying to complete these tests just seems so inappropriate. Most of the testing is completed on their chrome books. Some of the tests require the teacher to log each child in individually. This takes a significant amount of time if the chrome books and software are cooperative. Most of the chrome books require the process to be completed twice because the first time doesn't work. If the chrome book is bumped or moved...that could cause it to "time out" leaving me to start the log in process all over again. To say that I am anxious after spending about 25 minutes logging the computers in (because I don't want a computer to log out) would be an understatement. In my mind...we are already wasting time and to have to log a computer back in after spending that much time getting them all "right" can result in even more stress and anxiety. So...when my students came in and 4 of them accidentally bumped their computers...I lost it! I am ashamed to say that I yelled and complained to the whole class about an accident.Compassion at home...this would include showing both myself and my wife compassion. I am reading more at home. Currently, I am reading "A Gentleman in Moscow" by Amor Towles. This has been a wonderful escape away from what happens at school/work and it is a fiction book...something I do not normally read...a nice treat to myself. I am also doing more yoga during the week with my yoga, walk, run "repeat" workout routine. Starting the day with 20 minutes of yoga has been wonderful!! I don't miss running everyday and am really enjoying how each day escalates in terms of "impact" on my body. My wife and I are not watching as much news on TV and using that time to talk to each other more. If we aren't using the time to talk we watch something more interesting and entertaining.Compassion in public...as I've stated previously...this seems to be the one that is the easiest for me because of my personality. That is...until recently. Just as my friend and I were getting to the resort we are staying at for our annual beach writing retreat we were approached by a boy that seemed to be lost. Within seconds of my friend opening the car door the boy asked if he could borrow a phone to call his mom and dad. There was a 3 second pause between his request and my reply, "I'm sorry but we cannot help you out." He left and proceeded to wonder around the parking lot and surrounding area for the next hour. Why did he not just go into the resort office? Did he really need help? Why was my default reply so harsh?